Disclaimers: None of this fic is official, and none of this will make me a profit. Sunrise Asahi is just going to have to allow me to use this for pure entertainment purposes only. Also, Tico Torres, David Bryan, Richie Sambora, and Jon Bon Jovi, the members of Bon Jovi, had no part in the creation of this fic as well. These lyrics are printed without permission and do not belong to me. I am paying homage to both parties' talents, not bootlegging. I only hope I'm not disgracing them

Description: This is a really beautiful Song Fic Tealsparkle sent me. It's absolutely fabulous. It's her ideas of why Heero avoided Relena after GW and EW.

song lyrics

present time

(thoughts)

----past event/flashbacks----

Save the World

Five years. Five years since he'd lost Zero. He sat in the dark of his posh hotel room, thinking as he cleaned his guns. Nowadays, he didn't have much else to do. Finish an assignment, get money for an assignment, or wait for an assignment. Not many could afford Heero's talents, so there was a great deal of waiting involved in life now. Thought always invaded. He didn't want it, but it came. Over the years he'd checked up on his partners out of curiosity. It gave him a mission, however inconsequential and brief. No matter how hard he tried to invoke his training, he couldn't mentally deny that they were his friends; as much as Heero could have anything of the sort. He doubted they could have been so close-knit in any other circumstance. Triton, Quatre, Wufei, and Duo. They'd all built their bonds and set their roots over time: Triton with his sister and the circus. Quatre Rabera Winner with his company, estates, all filled with the joy of teaching young Ms. Catalonia how to live again. Wufei was still with the Preventors and Sally. Duo was having the time of his life working his garage with Hilde and looking for love in the wide world. (Hn, Duo never did see what was smack in front of him, did he now?) (Neither did I.) Heero perused the suite of the plaza slowly, wondering why he threw all his ties to the fire. They hadn't heard of him since the melee. They didn't deserve to. They had earned their peace and their love. Actual life. Heero didn't. Simple as that. (It's not that I didn't see Relena, it's that I saw why I shouldn't.) There. After five years of snuffing out life for money, He'd finally admitted it in words. Ms. Darlian was important. Her soul had worth to the world, but...

------------------- " You know Heero, you really are quite amazing." Relena told him. He clacked on Libra's computer console silently for a moment before disregarding her compliment with, " Look who's talking."--------------------

I never went to college. I don't have a degree. Let's say I went to "night school". I learned that line along the street.

------------------- She cried out for him to respond, pleading to hear him tell her...what? He knew. Heero knew too well. He switched off Zero's radio to save them the pain, all his pain: all that he knew about their differences. "Forget about me, Relena." He told the air, "Life is cheap, especially my life. --------------------

I wasn't born a rich man. No, I ain't got no pedigree.

St. Gabriel was not where he was comfortable being. This presidential suite was the much the same way, only everywhere he went: Plush carpeting in a subdued hue, spacious interior with plump furnishings, prints on the walls, a balcony, the similarities went on. He didn't deserve any of it. He sat in the living area, on the overstuffed armchair pulled up to the glass and ebony coffee table, his supply tarp unfurled as he cleaned his guns absently, immersed in thought. The lights weren't needed, both because he could clean any gun in his sleep, and that the moon's light was always blazing in the colonies. It oozed silver-blue over the balcony's ledge, glazing his older features, frame, as well as the dull, unpolished guns: His wretched livelihood.

sweat on this old collar: That's my Ph.D.

She did care. She was never afraid of showing it. She never said it, but it was there, hanging in the common silences between them. She'd done so much to show it, even when she when she didn't know it. So many ways...

comes down to this: I wouldn't exist.

----------------Duo's bullet tore through his arm, the gun's caliber throwing him to the deck. He lunged for his gun, only to feel his thigh shred under a second shot. " Stop it!" Relena stood in the line of fire, arms outspread. --------------------

. without you it ain't worth the crime. I'd fight for one kiss, . -------------------"What do you want to shoot him for?!" As the black-capped boy mumbled, she ripped the hem of her expensive dress, tying the royal blue fabric over the bullet holes, gently around his arm and leg. Heero could only stare in confusion. -----------------

On a night like this You make me feel I could fly.

Heero placed one gun down on the table and resumed disassembling the other 357 Magnum for repair.

I can save the world, since the night your love saved me.

-------------------" Leaving already, Heero?" He ripped out his pistol from the back of his uniform. "Are you still going to kill me Heero?" She nonchalantly stepped closer, his gun at her throat. She wasn't afraid. --------------------

-------------------The OZ suit shot at the Gabriel Institute's stone tower above her. The shrapnel was plummeting down towards her. It seemed to happen so slowly, the gray blocks and shards thundering lower and closer. Something inside of him reacted...--------------------

Heero shook his head to dispel those thoughts.

-------------------Zero's shield was over her. How had that happened? They regarded each other with shock as the enemy suit pummeled him with gunfire from behind. The cockpit shook violently, but Heero's body was numb with the realization of what had happened to him. --------------------

Baby, I can't save the world, but as long as you believe,

Heero fought the urge to believe her. He didn't want her to have false hope in an empty lover. He didn't know how to give what she needed, and what she gave so willingly. (Don't forget your place, Heero.), he thought caustically.

Maybe I can save the world.

He caught himself polishing the surface of the metal, making it reflect the broken starlight into his eyes. He scowled at it: a reflective surface gives away your position. Unacceptable. Heero leaned over the table, placed the offending object to the side to fix later. He caught his reflection in the mirror-smooth surface, a rare sight to himself. He avoided mirrors subconsciously, so as not to remind himself of another reason he wasn't with her: His cold face, partly covered by dark, wild hair. Not aristocratic in the least. He averted his frozen gaze to the balcony, shoving himself away a frustrated grunt.

I've got to confess, sometimes I'm a mess,

-------------------He glided towards her, raising his hand to gently, almost lovingly wipe away her tear from her smooth cheek. His motions moved even closer, mere inches it seemed. With a flick of his wrist he sent the teardrops to the wind. She smiled. "I'll kill you." Heero murmured ferally. --------------------

-------------------At the marina, He pulled out his gun, aiming for her terrified face. "You're in over your head."-------------------

And sometimes I step out of line

-------------------Zech's image faded into the light, the image of MO2 and Treize's space Leos lighting him from behind his desk and high-backed office chair. Relena and Heero strode out of the passageway towards him. It had felt so right to him, his weapon trained at Zechs as she tried to persuade her brother to end the war; with brain and brawn, so to speak. Two ways to fight a war. Two polar opposites working together for a common goal, standing so close. It would have worked on anyone else alive but Zechs. --------------------

With you by my side nothing matters.

When Heero wasn't fighting with her he was fighting for her. That's all he thought he was worth.

I can save the world, since the night your love saved me.

-------------------They found an empty area on the dance floor, looking out of place in their school uniforms instead of formal regalia. Relena's hair flowed with her movements, her form confined comfortably in his arms. Too comfortably, but so foreign he didn't know then that it was wrong. Before that realization, he'd been acutely agitated by her confidence in her survival, but pleasantly confused by her warmth, now solid in his hands. --------------

Maybe, I can't save the world, but as long as you believe

-------------------"Believe in me."--------------------

Maybe I can save the world.

Heero slid towards the glass between him and the night, so close his agitated breathing made a fog on the flawless surface. He could see his reflection again, but his moon-bathed form cast a brighter image on the glass. His black jeans and shirt nearly invisible against the room he left. This flood of memories he had denied for years; painted over with other memories in hopes of avoiding all of this.

Now, they can say, "It's blind love", but it's a fool, don't believe.

------------------Duo stared at him as Heero left for the door. "You really do love her, don?t you?" Heero didn't answer. He merely left to save her from Mariemaia. That was the only way he knew how. Would it be enough for her? ------------------

I?d fly all the way to the moon, just to walk you down your street.

-------------------"You're going to die, aren't you Heero?" Heero never knew why, but he needed... something. He pulled her helmet towards his, so close the metal touched, and their breathe mingled. A quiet smile crossed his once-frozen face. He couldn't hold back much longer. This moment would have to suffice. To his surprise, she returned his smile with her own, warmer than the others before. --------------------

I can save the world, since the night your love saved me.

-------------------"I'll kill you."--------------------

Heero remembered the feel of her face under his fingers, soft and flawless under the salt. Something dormant stirred inside him, then, as it did in every recollection of her.

-------------------"I swore that I would protect you."--------------------

Baby I can't save the world, but as long as you believe,

Heero stared into his reflected eyes, looking for another way to see. How could such a swift change come about? Could she change his worth? How much could Relena change?

Maybe I can save the world. Our love is even stronger than God hoped it could be.

"Am I worth it?"

Baby, all it takes is just a little faith in me

-------------------"I do believe in you. Yes, I do."------------------

To feel like I can save the world.

How much could Heero Yuy change?

-------------------Zero's self-detonator was clenched in his sweaty palm, held by his somber face. "Good-bye Relena."--------------------

I can save the world.

-------------------Libra's blazing form taunted him underneath Zero's rampant green target-lock. His suit was being stripped apart all around him as he plummeted backward through the atmosphere. "I will..." The wild square chased Libra's hulking frame, refusing to respond. "I will..." The sight flared all over the screen in five places at once. Shards of Gundanium flew into oblivion. "I will..." As he pulled the buster rifle's trigger, while shoved by it's brilliant force and presented with the opportunity, he did what he never thought he'd do in that one matter: Change his mind. As he squeezed the trigger, Heero screamed rebelliously in Fate's face: "I WILL SURVIVE!" --------------------

Heero Yuy looked in the moonlit mirror and asked himself: "Why?"